Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Potential of Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning I will be going for a test to see if my beloved kidney is damaged. I say it this way because it is beloved; I have actually grown to love this organ. It was given to me by my mother to save my life, and I have treasured it so for the past thirteen years. I named it Mr. Kidney despite the fact it is female, I place my hand over its little bump for comfort, I talk to it. It has been a good friend and it might be time to let it go but I don’t know how easy it will be. It has a birthday, one that I upheld over mine, it was the first day in my life everything seemed possible that I could do anything. I doubt that even if I find myself without this kidney that I could not celebrate March 3rd it truly is one of the most magical days of my life.
            So tomorrow I go in and get put under so my doctor can see what is going on with my kidney. I’m nervous and relived all at once, I need to know what’s going on with my kidney, I need to know why all of a sudden it’s not doing well after thirteen amazing years. I’m also nervous because I am terrified to be awake and lucid during the procedure. I have been told that I will be the loopiest person there, but, I have woken up during a procedure before and that has scared me for life.
            I’m ready though, I am ready for life to change, I am ready to go through it all, I want to get through all this so I can get back to my life again. My life is filled with so many opportunities right now I don’t want to miss a single one. That is what I am most frightened about right now missing out… that and not getting a kidney if needed, but that is another story entirely. 

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Plan Making

To those who may not know I have been going through a bit of a health scare and may soon possibly need a 2nd kidney transplant the following post pertains to that possibility.
I have had a lot of time to think today. I have a lot going on in my life both good and bad. I am going through a lot with my kidney but life has given me a lot to keep me going. I lately have gotten into the habit of talking about my plans for life before starting the transplant process, and after the transplant. I have realized that I have been short changing myself this part of my life could very well take over a year. I have been unconsciously been planning to take a break from life. This would be a waste of time and my talents, to choose to do nothing in this in-between time. But I have recently gone through an amazing three weeks with an amazing group of women I have decided that life might get very hard and that yes the world may pass me by some days but I will do as much as I can while I can. This means I will be co-chairing Take Back the Night this year as scary is it might be, I will be starting a new student org on campus, and I will continue to work as long as I can, all while going to school. I might fail in keeping up an active life but at least I would have tired. I have found that if I live my passions I can get through a lot, the last three weeks have been one of the hardest things I have done physically and mentally. The week I was away my feet decided to blow up to the size of tree trunks (my circulatory system was not a fan of sitting for most of the day) I was still able to get through, because it was seriously the most amazing experience I have had. The two weeks that followed were a test of how good a student I could be on little to no sleep while dealing with uncertain health and tests (I had 9 tubes of blood taken the day before a class and I hadn’t had my shots for my red blood cells in a week). So I go forth, I have a biopsy coming up in the next two weeks and I have three weeks off, which so happens to be when I have nine doctors appts booked. So I plan on having many a lunch date, a birthday party that needs to be planned, a fabulous pool day, and a reunion to for my NEW Leadership ladies for along the way to keep my spirits up and keep my momentum going. Also if I so happen to need a transplant and can go off my meds for a small bit, no power on earth will stop me from getting a tattoo (hey you have to look at the up side). So here I go in my journey into the unknown of my possible 2nd kidney transplant.