Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Potential of Tomorrow
Tomorrow morning I will be going for a test to see if my beloved kidney is damaged. I say it this way because it is beloved; I have actually grown to love this organ. It was given to me by my mother to save my life, and I have treasured it so for the past thirteen years. I named it Mr. Kidney despite the fact it is female, I place my hand over its little bump for comfort, I talk to it. It has been a good friend and it might be time to let it go but I don’t know how easy it will be. It has a birthday, one that I upheld over mine, it was the first day in my life everything seemed possible that I could do anything. I doubt that even if I find myself without this kidney that I could not celebrate March 3rd it truly is one of the most magical days of my life.
So tomorrow I go in and get put under so my doctor can see what is going on with my kidney. I’m nervous and relived all at once, I need to know what’s going on with my kidney, I need to know why all of a sudden it’s not doing well after thirteen amazing years. I’m also nervous because I am terrified to be awake and lucid during the procedure. I have been told that I will be the loopiest person there, but, I have woken up during a procedure before and that has scared me for life.
I’m ready though, I am ready for life to change, I am ready to go through it all, I want to get through all this so I can get back to my life again. My life is filled with so many opportunities right now I don’t want to miss a single one. That is what I am most frightened about right now missing out… that and not getting a kidney if needed, but that is another story entirely.